The Downside

We try to keep the vibes positive — there’s enough misery in the world, and sometimes popping onto a rescue page to see some kittens or a happy story of recovery is just a small joy we all need… and that’s the content we focus on! But sometimes things are not as sunny as we wish. The most daunting thing perhaps is when seemingly healthy kittens die suddenly, without warning, without giving us a chance to run interference or to prepare. They could be playing and eating happily one moment, gone the next… and it’s always a shock. And we always end up double-guessing and wondering if there were signs we missed, if there was something we could’ve done.

We are rescuers, and we want to do something… always. Chaos, confusion, medical emergencies — we thrive on it. How many cats we drove at high speeds to the ER (or out of ACCT); how many bags of SubQ fluids, late night bottle-feedings, injections, bladder expressions, bandage changes, broken bones we’ve dealt with and loved it. Sometimes we had to let go too — but we always knew we’ve left nothing on the table and did everything possible.

And sometimes there’s nothing to be done, and it’s hard — just a limp little body where a sweet playful kitten used to be, and no way of undoing this change.

It is hubris, of course, to think that we could’ve (should’ve!) done something to save them. Many kittens and even adult cats who die suddenly have a congenital disorder (heart-related, most often) and there is nothing to be done. We try to learn this lesson and accept these hard things… but everyone who has ever lost a foster knows exactly what it feels like. And we are thinking of everyone who has lost a foster or a pet to an unexpected tragedy, and we know that you loved them when they were here — when it mattered. And this is enough; someday, we hope to learn it ourselves!

We miss you, Jiji, Rodan, Inquisitor. Sleep well.